The anxious man with a bag of nuts

There was a man at the bus stop yesterday. He sat on the wet bench with the bus schedual laid out over him. He also held a bag of nuts, i think cashews (at the risk of sounded perverted, lets say cashews). He would concentrate very hard on chewing each cashew he had but whenever the sign of a bus would come he would stop his chewing and look up to watch the bus. Once he discovered it was not his bus he would go back to eating his cashews and studying hte bus schedual.

Overheared on my way to Sarah's

"My nephew is a fireman, in fact he is doing a woman up the street right now."
--A woman said to her neighbour.